Currently Reading Girl Meets God : A Memoir By Lauren F. Winner see related

So, apparently everyone thinks that I was sneaking around behind Bryce's back with Tiny this weekend. ha. ha. ha. why don't people get their facts straight, honestly! it just makes them look like little shits when they make up stuff.

I closed tonight, and I have to open in the morning. I'll be full time soon. if I stay in memphis I'll get to be a shift leader when the new store opens..which would be excellent money. Hopefully I won't still be here, though. North Carolina is where I want to be. I have an audition at School of the Arts on friday. road trip!

ECS is so funny. I don't get it at all. the people there are so unpredictable. their unpredictability is predictable, though. you always know that they're never the same twice. Now that I'm gone the most random people will be all buddy buddy with me when I see them--people that wouldn't talk to me at all while I was there. as soon as I leave I start getting asked to dances. wtf. Thank God I'm not there anymore.

I love that no one knows my xanga exists. that way i can say whatever i want. ha. idowhudiwant.

mr. hanky loves your face.

the sky turns green....

AH. no sleep for my little winker. I seriously have had no sleep. Bridget keeps waking me up at 7am. ha. no actually, I just choose to get up at the same time as her. UVS season is coming, I can feel it. It's time to renew our vows as UVSers whenever the seasons change. maybe that's because it's the perfect weather to run uninhibited through fields and frolick like goslings in fountains. which I did do last night. Amy and I were taking a moonlit stroll in Anna's neighborhood, when we spied a fountain in someone's front yard. it was sweetness.

Goal for the summer:  roadtrip my weiner off, and get arrested for something freaking hilarious before I'm legal. then bang a hot rocker after i'm legal.....actually I just added the last part.

according to my psychologist i have lots of rage. now i have to read books about turning my anger into something useful. wtf to do turn it into? haha, what if i start building ashura poles in my front yard.

happy thrifting.

Currently Reading The Bell Jar (Perennial Classic) By Sylvia Plath see related

Tonight was so uneventful. I wanted to do something fun and out of the ordinary, but Bri and Nathan were being 80, so Bryce and I just went to eat then watched a movie with them. ha. not actually, Nathan was sick, so he didn't feel like going out. which was cool. I've just gotten over being sick. ugh.

Dad lost his job. how much more of this can my family take, honestly? I don't know what the hell we're going to do...but supposedly God isn't smiting us--my mommy told me so.

I'm reading the Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. it's freaking awesome. her writing is so relatable.                      "I knew I should be grateful to Mrs. Guinea, only I couldn't feel a thing. If Mrs. Guinea had given me a ticket to Europe, or a round-the-world cruise, it wouldn't have made one scrap of difference to me, because wherever i sat--on the deck of a ship or at a street cafe in Paris or Bangkok--I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air." --that's the worst feeling ever. not being able to feel anything. it's so paralyzing, you know. you can't make yourself care about anything. all the days run together and life is so monotonous. i can't feel anything. everything is so meaningless and flat.

On a lighter note, the ECS Valentine's dance is coming up. One week, to be precise. (sidenote: there is a warcraft flying over my house. wtf.) I think it'll be fun. actually, I think I'll be annoyed. but my dress is so fun. it's like, flapper meets dryad. it's the perfect fusion. hopefully that'll outweigh the second-rate company. Being around ECS kids just sets my nerves on absolute edge, man. they're all so fake. they either completely ignore you, or you're bombarded by all these sickening pleasantries. maybe I should take my taser.

Oh man. Bryce picked me up from work tonight, right? weeell...Nicole and I are walking out the side-door (leaving work), and we're just talking, and all of a sudden Nicole is like "whoah, there's a pers--" and I turn around and Bryce was hiding behind the door. holy CRAP, I didn't really know what was going on, it happened so fast, but I screamed so loudly. like I don't just scream like that. I was like, screaming and shaking. hahah. wow. that still makes me laugh. probably had to be there.

"I was a sausage."

peace.

Currently Playing The Photo Album By Death Cab for Cutie see related

I feel so drained. I feel like a piece of stark white paper. blank. listless. So, I had auditions for MC yesterday--which actually went surprisingly well. being around new people is so weird for me these days. man, I felt like such a homeschooler this weekend. like my brain was one huge fart. everytime I tried to speak I felt autistic and I ended up nodding and smiling. kinda like the chinese people in drive-thru.

Is it possible to have an absolutely blank mind? maybe I'm the first ever to achieve this. god, i feel like a jackass. I told Bryce I'd call him. 'night.